That Private Private Life [TMP #99]
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That Private Private Life
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That Private Private Life
Ordinarily, I am for a private life. Not private as in non-work life but private as in not many people know what you're doing. It makes for an unproblematic life. No drama and most importantly, it allows me to be authentic. I can do what I want freely, as unconventional as it may be. But that's the thing about outlooks, what if it's unhelpful in this phase?
You see, I've been realizing just how trying to live privately spreads into everything else. I try to live privately for others too. What does that look like? I meet an acquaintance and while I truly hope (s)he is well, I do not ask further questions beyond what's been said. There's an argument for respecting people's privacy but how does that help nurture the deeper relationships I want?
Because I'm working hard to respect someone else's privacy for them, I am unlikely to ask for help even from my immediate circle. Why? 'Oh, I don't want to intrude' plus 'Oh, you should not wait for people to tell you you're an inconvenience before you know you are.' So, I keep a margin of relationship safety except that margin is so wide I am killing any chances of depth.
A friend of mine says to not be afraid of using the resources around me. Only last week, someone reached out to me and maximized this so well. Let’s call her Ella. Ella DM’ed me on LinkedIn and even though I was not in her first circle of help contacts, she made sure she got all the help she could from me. I ended up reaching out to other people on her behalf over two weeks so she was sorted. I didn’t know this lady the week before. Honestly, I was amazed by her1 because I knew I would never. But do not be afraid of using the resources around me, right?
One other time, I read a book about how the founding partners of a company came to be. Guy A reached out to Guy B about an idea because when they were in uni, Guy B had revealed his long-term career plan to him and several years later, Guy B was a fit. Now, I don't know how close they were but that's the thing: I don't need to know. The gag is that do I give myself fully to others? Do you? Or do we only give out morsels of ourselves due to fear? Would I let go of said fear to allow trust to grow? Or am I really better off this way?
While I answer those questions, I’d take little steps to use the resources around me and give myself fully to others. Baby steps = progress.
Bye,
Dayo :)
Book Club 📖
I am reading The Simple Path by Jim Collins and I am almost done! I chose to read this book in a step to cut out the noise regarding building wealth. One thing I’ve realized is how optional it is to work when you don’t depend on it. You legit work because you want to not because you need to. That’s a whole different position to negotiate.
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Had a conversation last night that reminded me of my takeaway from this podcast episode. The takeaway: “Damn, people make money to give out money.”
The Gallery 🎨
Finally, we have one with a real gallery!
Davido’s 1-year Timeless Anniversary @ Yenwa Gallery, Victoria Island, Lagos.
It's closely related to the Benjamin Franklin effect where doing a favour for someone makes you like them more.
The Benjamin Franklin effect is actually so real! Another awesome read. Thanks for sharing, Dayo!
Baby steps indeed. I'm that type of person so, I know how it feels. Giving so little of yourself to people because you're afraid of being too much, afraid of intruding. But the thing is, you never know until you try, you never know the beautiful relationships that can come out of giving yourself fully to others until you try.